How did I get here?  

    It's January 2nd of a new year. I've been in this place, in this state of mind, probably every new year since I was in junior high school, knowing that if I don't change something, my health will only get worse over the coming year. I can remember some years where I gave up anything that even resembled candy. I wouldn't even eat a Tic Tac fearing it would lead to a Lifesaver and then to a Rolo followed by a full Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Once it got that far, there would be no going back. The year I turned twenty years old I managed to go a whole calendar year without eating any candy and continued into February of the following year without problems. Then came Valentine's Day and I went right back to eating candy almost daily. I would say that one of my biggest problems is I seem to be "all or nothing" when it comes to eating and exercising. Either I'm completely "on" or "off." And when I'm off, it's bad. Consequently, I have spent a lifetime yo-yo dieting to makeup  for the off time. I have tried nearly every program out there, most with some success for a few months, or maybe even a year. And then I fall off the wagon and go crazy eating in excess all the foods I missed. In the summer of 2017 I had gastric sleeve surgery and did very well for about six months. This time I didn't fall off the wagon... I just wiggled my way off of it over the following two years. Yes, not even gastric sleeve was fully able to save me from myself. 

    I'm tired and too old for diets and gyms. I tired of restricting myself. And I'm just tired. Period. COVID has left me gaining weight and sedentary. I used to love going to my job as a teacher where I could get in as many as 8,000 steps before I left the building at 3:00. The teenagers I worked with gave me energy and kept me young. Now I sit in a chair looking at a screen all day trying to do the same job I did when I was with them, in our classroom together. It makes my eyes, back, and knees hurt. It's not fulfilling and it's not fun. I have to do something. I have to come up with a plan. 

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